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Diaries Owner Linkies Hello Lovelies,Welcome to my blog of charm.







November 2012 December 2012 January 2013 March 2013 April 2013 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 August 2013 September 2013 October 2013 November 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 March 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 July 2014 August 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 April 2015 June 2015 July 2015 August 2015 September 2015 October 2015 November 2015 December 2015 January 2016 February 2016 March 2016 May 2016 July 2016 August 2016 September 2016 October 2016 January 2017 February 2017 March 2017 April 2017 January 2018 April 2018 May 2018
Everbody thinks...

My Friends thinks...
                  My Family thinks...
                                         My Teachers thinks...
                                                              My Classmates thinks...
                                                                                    Everyone thinks...
Even I  ask myself

What was the reason..that was giving me an extra boost thinking i should leave CTSS?

At first , It never came to me that way because all i knew was that distance IS a Matter. I couldn't imagine myself waking up everyday 6am on the dot with no extra 30 min to sleep. It was just HORRIBLE to imagine because i know myself i'm a heavy sleeper , I'd sleep through alarm clocks and is going to take half an hour to finally get up on my feet. That was all I thought.

I never gave in much thoughts about how my friends would feel and how sad and lonely life i'd be if i didn't have friends in my new school. All that didn't came through me. But suddenly , when the clock is ticking..time is passing..like a lightning bolts strike through my senses I've began to regret..I've began to hate myself for my reakless actions..I couldn't imagine how much pain I got myself into..It was then I realised what truly was the reason was...I was just merely trying to persue my passion, my hopes and dreams.But it all came back to reality that i couldn't..fate wouldn't let me..I have just gave up my happiness for my dreams.

 Truly, the world are full of broken dreams and  ..it's a horrible world to live in but we still have to live on..

On that night..My stomache was churning , i felt suffocated , i couldn't breathe in my normal pace and when my mum asked me ? "Are you scared?" I couldn't answer that question because I'm experiencing so much emotions at once and I just couldn't seem to get a hold of myself and i replied her "Nothings gonna change" I went back to my room and before i knew it , i finally broke down. It was the time that I finally came to reality . I've spend everyday cope up in my room gaming from morning till night making holiday seems short and I've avoided anything that has to do with schools. I wasn't hating the school, I was avoiding reality.

I couldn't think straight. All I knew was I really regretted coming to this school. To top it off, my friend had consult me about this matter only to make things worse , my friend even pointed out my reakless , selfish , atc. I knew I was going to be that lonely girl that I never thought I would be . I was really scared that I can't meet their expectation , fear of being avoided , afraid of meeting new people.

So on that night .I decided to spend the whole night occupying myself with something do . I was chatting and happily playing on my small little device , and for that moment i forgotten what I was so worried about . At 3AM my friend was tired , so i decided to sleep as well.

The next day, I've woke up at 6.30 AM . My stomache was churning again and my body was shivering , I don't know if I was still scared or I was just really cold . Probably either one or both . Usually my morning routine start of by wearing my school uniform, then I head over to the bathroom to wash up, and i just grab my socks and leave the house. But today in particular , I didn't felt like following the routine , instead i did what normal people would, and that is to wash up first . I made myself wore the uniform last and gosh i look hellda gross. Oh well..I've spend a good half an hour trying to fix my hair and to touch up whatever I need to do. I wore the school socks and left the house wearing a black shoe with a yellow shoelace.

I walked a few step outside the building only to realized that I didn't had a pen. I rushed back home and get a ballpoint pen i could find and rush out again. When i reached the LRT stations , I've found out that there are a few of my fellows schoolmates boarding the LRT to school. I went to school and I didn't know where to go, I was mistaken and thought that I was the sec1's . I asked one of the Student Leaders for direction and she gladly brought me to the hall .

Oh, have I told you that I was instructed that I would be placed in the class of 3A2 , which was also the class i was supposed to be placed in ,in my formal school as well .

I didn't know that the school follows the routine of reading books in the morning. So I sat there awkwardly without a book . The pledge had took place and While the principal was giving a welcome back speech , It was the first time that I was hoping it would last . I didn't want to do any self Introduction , or having people starring at me . Oh and while I was in the hall , a Malay girl , next to me said hi , though we weren't in the same class or maybe she's aware that i'm new . Whatever it is , I awkwardly waved back like a retard.

So , the time has come. We were brought back to our respective  classrooms and i had chosen the front roll of the seats. Our form teacher were really heart-warming and kind . The teacher announced that we had a new student and that was when i stood there motionless and expressionless waiting for it to end. I could tell people were staring at me and i just hope the spotlight was placed somewhere else instead.

At about 9.40AM , we had our recess . Honestly I wasn't looking forward to it as....well i just don't know where to sit , besides it's embarrassing to be seen eating alone. I just didn't know what to do . I just want to go home. That was when a bunch of girls approached me and asked if I would like to go recess with them . Ofcourse that was a yes there , It seems liked I did manage to make friends and they were really nice and kind . I wasn't being myself so they probably see me as a introverted  or reserved person. I wonder how they would react if they knew what a true retard i am .

After recess, we went to the hall for a safety talk and a grooming check . Honestly i don't get this school, they weren't strict about grooming wise unless it's really obvious. Unlike my schools , you get called up and brought to the stage where everyone can see you. BUT SRSLY NO EARSTICKS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I don't know who came up with this rule where u can't wear earsticks . In my primary school we were only allowed to wear earsticks and now in secondary school we CANT?!seriously? -faceplalm-

After all that was done, we were sent back to our classroom again. And the teachers made everyone introduce themselves ( Typical ) and yea.. so at 12:40 I went back home.

To be honest, I can't believe it's actually happening. It felted so sereal , i can't describe how this feels but it's like watching a series of drama behind those eyes of mine. Everything was so foreign to me that i can't register everything into my brain at once . But oh well, what has happen , happened  .

No more pocking fun of people looks
No more funny dirty jokes
No more after school hangout
No more gossiping about teachers behind their back
No more buddies to go home after school with
No more people to listen to my bullshits

No more..

Evenso , I'm still glad there nice people in my class whom so bravely and confidently approached me . If it wasn't for them, Tomorrow would just be another hell day.